I wanted to share this story before I bleed to death.
It all started when I downloaded PPSSPP, to those that don't know it's a PSP or Playstation Portable Emulator.
I'm a big wrestling game fan but i'm broke as fuck so I elected to download WWE All Stars for free for PSP.
I found an ISO on a shady site in russian with a black background and white text. The download button merely included the game's title in english and text just below the button in russian I couldn't understand, here is a copy and paste of it. "Крепление в тонкий джим. о, да!" Again, no idea what it meant.
Anyway the game was surprisingly fucking huge and I had slow internet so it took a long ass time to download it.
When it finished I began the game, the menu loading and being greeted by John Cena to the right.
I wanted to do a exhibition match to to test out the game first and once I got to the roster screen I saw that I had everyone but Macho Man Randy Savage...
Which is weird because he's usually unlocked directly from the start.
Ignoring this I decided to do a fight between Hulk Hogan and John Cena.
The match began and I began laying into Cena, halfway through Randy Savage runs down the ramp interrupting the fight.
"What the fuck?" I thought randy then picked up john cena like he was going to slam him and said "SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM OHHH YEAH" before snapping john cena in half.
Cena screamed horrifyingly.
"OHHHH YEAH YOU'RE NEXT" he sais then began chasing after me. I sprinted in circles around the ring trying to keep hogan away from randy so he'd avoid the same fate.
Randy apparently noticed this and screamed "BE A MAN HOGAN" eventually I manged to go fast enough to get bandy Randy and slammed him. Unfortunately he reversed it into a what I call slim jim snap ending hogan.
I was returned to the selection screen after it had acted like Randy won the match.
Hulk Hogan and John Cena were greyed out and unselectable.
What the fuck? So I tried one of the championship paths to see if the same thing happened. I picked Ultimate Warrior and began Undertaker's route. And it happened Randy ran down the ramp like before interrupting the match.
This time he went for me first and snapped me right off the bat ending the match.
But then the screen went black. not just the emulator, my entire computer. Then suddenly a loud "OH YEAH!" emitted from my speakers. The ghost of Macho Man Randy Savage then emerged from my computer screen and said. "WATCH ME SNAP YA LIKE A SLIM JIM" as he approached me. I tried to fight him off but there was no equal to the macho man. The last thing I remember before my spine snapped was "OH YEAH".
Now i'm here in the hospital, the doctors tell me I won't survive. So I recorded this so that this wouldn't be all in vain.